On August 15, 1982 a beautiful, bouncing baby boy named Kissyfur... Ooops, I mean, Christopher was born to a chick
named Vickie and some dude whose name we can't think of... But anyhow... So, our Kissyfur was born in some town in
Texas, possibly somewhere around Austin... or maybe it was Dallas... Nethermind! So, anyway, we know he was born, and
it was probably in a hospital. Then he spent the first God knows how many years of his life in that town near Dallar or Austin
(or maybe neither of them). But anyhow, we believe Vickie and that dude got divorced, and then she took Chris and moved
to Angola Indiana (but we really don't know). Somewhere back in time, our little Chris grew up. He played tennis, went to
school, worked at Micky D's, and hung out with Corey Ray (ooohhhh, I hear he's a hottie... Wanna tap that ass!) So,
Kissyfur did a bunch of blah blah blah, and then one day he met a stud named Bobby Keller. They quickly became friends,
and they started chillin together. But Chris, being the innocent little boy that he was, would not drink or smoke a cigarette
(pooey! he's no fun!) Now as Bobby and Chris got closer, Chris met lots of new people, such as the gorgeous Amber Keller,
the studly (if not dorky) Mike Washer, and the oh-so-bangable Randi Strahm, and Mary Moore (who always wondered
"why they never talked").... During a short period of insanity he was also friends with a darling jackass named Kelly Stevens.
During this time he also hung out with Kyle Rowlison, a.k.a Rollie poly, a.k.a fat-boy (but nethermind about him, coz he's now
in jail for drive-by shootings and some other blah-blah caca)... So, when Chris first became a member of "the group" (as we
now refer to ourselves as), the doable Randi was dating the studly Bobby. But Chris, the guy that he is, wanted Randi more
than anything. And eventually (to be slightly more exact around Thanksgiving of 1999), the boy got the girl, and for a while he
was happy. But the girl became confused, and they broke up. But suddenly, the girl became un-confused, and they got back
together! But she wasn't happy, and they broke up (again!), and the boy was once again unhappy. So, the girl (Randi) hooked
up with a guy that Chris lovingly refered to as "an asshole." He cheated on Randi AT LEASTonce, and that really pissed Chris
off, even though he knew (read: thought) the girl didn't love him anymore, coz he still loved her, and wanted her to be happy.
Somewhere around this time our innocent Chris became corrupted by "the group" (THANKS A LOT, MIKEY!), and our
little Chris starting DRINKING (gasp, shock!)!!!!! On August 15, 2000, Chris became OF AGE, and started SMOKING (I
think I'm gonna faint!) (ONCE AGAIN, THANKS A LOT, MIKE!)!!!!! What a naughty boy we have now! So,
speed-wrapping, boy chased girl, boy got drunk, boy got addicted to cigarettes, blah blah blah.... Boy was told he was going
to DIE on January 25, 2001... So boy REALLY chased girl, smoked a lot of Marlboro Reds, and longed for wine coolers.
Then on Thursday, January 25, 2001, our little Chris went away forever. Boo- hoo- hoo... (moment of silence...... okay,
moment's over!) Blah blah blah, sob boo-hoo, we miss him, we love him, blah..... THE END! I love you, Kissyfur!!!!
This rendition of Chris' life was brought to you by Mary Moore.